Lost in translation!

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Paris hotel lift:

Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:

It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of defferent sex, for instance, men and women, live together on one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In a Leipzig lift:

Do not enter lift backwards and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel lift:

To move the cabin puch button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number for wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattering of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:

When a passenger of foot heace in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, then if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.

In a Japanese hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:

Cooles and Heates. If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.

In a Tokyo hotel:

Is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Swiss mountain inn:

Special today- no ice cream.

In a Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have suitable food give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:

Not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of respose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:

Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners:

Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:

Dresses for street walking.

In a Tokyo bar:

Special cocktails for ladies with nuts.

From the Soviet Weekly:

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Zurich hotel:

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Bangkok temple:

It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in a bar.

In an Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:

Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

English well speaking.
Here speeching American.

From a letter in response to an inquiry about accommodation:

Dear Madam: I am honourable to accept your impossible request. Unhappy it is, I have not bedroom with bath. A bathroom with bed I have. I can though give you a washing, with pleasure, in a most clean spring with no one to see. I insist that you will like this.

From a European holiday brochure:

Having freshly taken over the propriety of this notorious house, I am wishful that you remove to me your esteemed costume. Standing among savage scenery, the hotel offers stupendous revelations. There is a french window in every bedroom, affording delightful prospects. I give personal look to the interior wants of each guest. Here, you shall be well fed-up and agreeably drunk. Our charges for weekly visitors are scarcely creditable. Peculiar arrangements for gross parties, our motto is ever serve you right!

A sign over an Osaka, Japan pet store:

Fondle dogs

How a sewage treatment plant was marked on a Tokyo map:

Dirty Water Punishment Place

From a response to an enquiry about accommodation:

I am amazingly diverted by your entreaty for a room. I can offer you a commodious chamber with balcony imminent to the romantic gorge, and I hope that you want to drop in. A vivacious stream washes my doorsteps, so do not concern yourself that I am not too good in bath, I am superb in bed.

From a tourist brochure:

In the close village you can buy jolly memorials for when you pass away.

Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket:

For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

From a story in an East African newspaper:

A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

Sign in a Vienna hotel:

In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

Sign erected by Japanese citizens in Tokyo, when MacArthur was considering a run for president:

We pray for MacArthur's erection

Instructions on a Japanese medicine bottle:

Adults: 1 tablet 3 times a day until passing away